Tell me. Is it just me or does everyone kinda zone out and go comatose when they shop in a mall? I used to hate shopping. All that money, all the excess, all the fake lighting and bodies mindlessly bumbling or nosing around start to grate on me, but sometimes a person just needs new clothes. I am in that ballpark.

Getting ready for church the other week I pulled on a cotton, long sleeved, green top. It’s a favorite because it’s simple and practical and I’ve had it for a long time. It didn’t take long to  realize that both armpits had multiple holes in them. You’d think a woman would know her clothes well enough to recognize when she’s in dire need of a basic piece in her wardrobe – especially when she’s looking to slowly enter the professional workforce again. Unfortunately, having a child during Covid when you’re considered “geriatric” seriously messes with a woman’s mind.

Since our pastor – the one stylish pastor in the Mennonite church – loves Macy’s, I decided to give it a try. I don’t do shopping a lot and have only been to Macy’s one other time in my life. That was just to look at a pair of shoes that a friend was considering. I decided though that I would buy something. Still, I found myself watching faces as much as I scanned the merchandise.

And doing this filled me with some existential dread. Ugh. What was I doing here? Why all this monotonous clutter organized so carefully? Do all these people come here every week to buy new clothes? Once a month? Nobody seemed excited. They seemed a little bit dead, the way a plant looks when I’m not quite sure if it’s going to make it or not. Like the life isn’t fully there. Is this what I want my daughter to experience?

I came home and talked with my husband. What is it about big box stores? I always feel like my soul or my spirit or something essential to who I am is muted when I walk into a large store. Maybe I noticed this about myself because just a few minutes beforehand I had the deep pleasure of helping a woman move her gas-empty vehicle out from the center lane of a four lane intersection. We’d never met before, but we worked really hard to get that car parked safely. When the task was completed, we both had massive smiles on our faces and simultaneously reached out to one another for a real hug. Counter that with the listlessness I experienced when encountering eye contact averting patrons and it’s enough to wake me up again to seeking deeper meaning in life. 

This child of ours will someday walk into a mall and I hope to high heaven that she doesn’t like being there. I hope she can’t handle the movement and the flashing lights and the materialism everywhere. I’m hoping that our under stimulating her will help with this goal. All tv she watches is with both of us and has a slow moving storyline (All Creatures Great and Small). We don’t have toys that light up or make noises. I tend to try and let her get bored so that small things capture her attention. I may sound like a snob is writing this, but I truly believe in one of the Mennonite philosophies that there is More-with-Less. And that doesn’t only have to do with cooking. It has to do with all of life.