Everyone talked about two year olds having their own ideas. There’s so much talk about the “Terrible Twos.” Slight confession: I didn’t believe it. Our child is mostly an easy one to work with. And a second slight confession: we have some terrible moments.

She is saying, “No!” regularly these days. She says it when I ask if she’s hungry. She says it when she’s twirling around. She says it when she climbs onto a small log outside and is pretending to be riding a horse. “Do you want me to help you down the step?” I ask. “No!” She says. When I ask if she’s tired, guess what she responds with? Yes, you’re right. “No!”

The strange thing about this is that while she often says, “No!” with irritated passion, she also says it when she seems to be happy. When I ask if she’s hungry, she does say no, but then reaches for the food. When she’s twirling and saying, “No” she’s smiling. When she’s saying this and riding on a horse, she’s happy. She says she doesn’t want help down the step, but then she takes my finger. Strange.

I have been helped with the words written by Michaeleen Doucleff’s book, Hunt, Gather, Parent. She talks about encountering women from other cultures who name the truth about children at this age. Children all around the world have meltdowns at this age. They all go through this stage of development when they start to form their own ideas and their own preferences. Our daughter is learning that she’s her own person. She’s different from her mama. Reading that information was helpful for me. 

Of course I know that young children have meltdowns and I know that saying no is important. I’ve seen it plenty of times before, but for some reason, reading about it from Doucleff was helpful. I need to remind myself sometimes that she’s not a bad kid. She’s just two. This is good, it’s healthy. 

The other day she was a grouch and a half. Saying, “No” was definitely on her agenda. She wasn’t obeying me very well, amid the nay saying – that ubiquitous no – we had a moment when the clouds broke and the sun shone through. For some reason I did something right and this little child said a phrase that she has been using recently. “Thank you, mama.” 

What did I do? I have no idea. She just thanked me in her sweet little toddler voice and it was a sincere thanks. I’m hoping this will be her next phase. Perhaps these moments of irritation, of asserting herself, of “No” will eventually shift to something different. Gratitude. 

Until then, just go ahead and ask me if I want a refund. Do I want to adopt her out? Would I change it? Nope. I still rather like our little rump roast and hopefully she’ll feel that way about us more and more as she ages.