What do you do when you’re having a bad day or week or season in life? Are there ways that you’re able to look beyond yourself and find gratitude in any of it?

Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding. Who determined its measurements – surely you know. Or who stretched the line upon it? On what were its bases sunk, or who laid its cornerstone when the morning stars sang together and all the heavenly beings shouted for joy? Have you commanded the morning since your days began, and caused the dawn to know its place, so that it might take hold of the skirts of the earth, and the wicked be shaken out of it? Have you entered into the springs of the sea, or walked in the recesses of the deep?

These fragments from chapter 38 of Job in the Old Testament are just a beginning to the mighty, cosmological, imagery filled questions the Creator asks of Job. The man has lost everything: children, house, livestock and health. His friends are not helpful. He is, as Anne Shirley would say, “in the depths of despair.” At the end of the book God summons Job to gird up his loins and act like a man. God then proceeds to ask these questions full of incredibly powerful imagery. 

I’ve never quite understood why God would ask such mighty questions to a small man who just lost everything. If God were ever to speak to me like that I would either shrivel up and fade away or puff up my chest as big as I could and fight back – measly as the attempt would be. As it is, I sometimes feel like God is barely whispering. And, of course, my situation pales in comparison with Job’s, but we’ve had an interesting week and these days I’ve wanted to complain like Job.

We’ve been sick for eight days now and it looks like that trend will continue for a while. Our house has snotty noses, continuous coughing and sneezing. This makes sleep priceless.  Getting our child to sleep these days takes time and determination. Both my husband and I have spent literally hours with her trying to help her accomplish this task. It’s hard to do when you’re tired yourself, and when you’re sick, and when you’re tired of being sick.

Two days ago we had a rougher day than usual. My husband came home for lunch and accidentally slammed the door closed on his way in. This is not normal for him. He didn’t mean to do it, but it did wake our daughter who I had successfully managed to coax into sleep. Then, of course, I had been looking forward to feeding her leftover pizza from the night before. I made it heavy on meat and cheese so we’d have two meals and I wouldn’t have to think about food preparation. I went to get her and took her to the kitchen. I noticed the pizza I had taken from the fridge was gone. He had eaten it. “You’re in the doghouse,” I joked with him. Admittedly though, I was disappointed to have a tired child up before her nap was done and no instant food to offer when that had been the plan from the beginning. It was a hard day, but some days are like that.

Yesterday she woke up early after having been up the night before with both of us working to change a very poopy diaper. (She made herself very clear about not wanting to be up and she angry cried for a long time. She kept her dad up for at least an hour and a half.) After she awoke she oscillated between being obviously tired and sick to then looking fine and being content. This is her way of being. Sometimes appearing just fine when I know there’s a deeper reality just under the surface. I was really tired though and needed more sleep. The day was spent with me only half engaged and doing tasks a bit reluctantly. 

My shining moment as a mother was taking her outside. We bundled up and headed out to pass time and came in for lunch. Following lunch I poured myself a cup of hot tea, turned to get a diaper and heard commotion. I turned to see her moving towards me. It took a while  to register that she had reached up on the counter to pull my freshly poured cup of hot tea onto her face. Her pain tolerance is higher than the average kid, I think, but she screamed. Thankfully I had my wits about enough to pull the hot, wet clothes off her. She didn’t let me put anything cold on her face so I sat and held her. Later that evening I realized that her ear was seeping. Dripping fluid, actually. When I called the doctor on call he referred to this as “weeping.” It happens with second degree burns, he said casually! (Sniff.) 

My husband wasn’t happy with me when he came home. He has reminded me multiple times to please place items away from counter edges. Fair enough. Still, tiredness, a screaming child, second degree burns, guilt and disappointment/irritation from my husband made for a hard day, but some days are like that.

I went through a period of time when doctors thought I had rheumatoid arthritis. I was grateful beyond words to learn I don’t have it, but during that time my sister gave me some good advice. Change your mindset. When your joints are in pain, try to think about all the parts of your body that don’t hurt. Think about your ears, your stomach, the muscles, your intestines, etc. and try to put your focus on what’s working. It’s that what makes for a good life? Looking beyond? Looking deeper? Looking for all that is good?

Perhaps this mindset is what God was doing with Job except he was turning the advice inside out. Rather than telling Job to look inside at what was going right, He was telling Job to look outside to put his focus on what is working. Job didn’t lay the foundation of the earth. He didn’t determine its measurements. He didn’t stretch the line upon it, nor did he lay its cornerstone when the morning stars sang together and all the heavenly beings shouted for joy. But when he was asked these questions, he was pulled to look beyond himself and he was invited to look deeper into life.

Today I took our daughter to the doctor. The doctor came in with a gentle spirit and looked over our little one. She noted that the water only ran down the side of her face and named the goodness of her eyes being clear and healthy. The burn didn’t affect her sight or her spirit. While driving home I got a call from an older female friend who sometimes cares for our child. She offered to bring us a meal. When I got home I bathed our daughter, gingerly cleaned off her ear and applied triple antibiotic ointment on it. After a full nap she woke refreshed and happy. Her ear looked better and I had time to clean the kitchen deeper because I didn’t have to prepare a meal.

I think this day was my day of seeing things differently. I’m still tired. I’m still sick and I’m still tired of being sick, but I can change my mindset and try to focus on what’s working. Today offered me a chance to look beyond myself and deeper into our lives.

We’re tired, but we have beds to sleep in. We’re sick, but ultimately we have health. We’re tired of being sick, but we have people around us who love us and care for us. Life – even with all its struggles – is good. What a gift. What a grace. I am grateful to be alive and for the most part I am grateful for this life that I live. Some days are like that.